Posts Tagged ‘Satire’

Census – Jokes, Humor & Pithy Comments (from eGrumps) — March 27, 2010

Saturday, March 27th, 2010

A small deviation from my usual format, but I believe the subject is quite important. Thomas Jefferson said: “The whole of government consists in the art of being honest.”  eGrumps says: “No comment!”

To: Robert M. Groves, Director U. S. Census

Dear Mr. Groves:

I have previously posted about your (our)(America’s) problem with the census you are taking. (See my posts of March 18 and March 22) I wrote about the enclosure letter I received with the census form and the separate letter that your Department subsequently sent. BOTH of them said, in effect – fill out the census form and mail it in right away. The problem was that the form asked for information  as of April 1, 2010, and your department wanted it mailed in prior to that date. By common logic,  common sense and basic intelligence, that information could not be provided accurately.

In case you can’t figure it out – let me state it again. I can not give you a report in March, 2010, telling you who is living in my house on April 1, 2010. I can’t tell you his or her sex, race or anything else about him or her, in advance – so stop bugging me.

Now – I have received a post card bearing your signature, you probably didn’t sign it personally,  stating “It is important that you respond…If you have not responded please provide your information…” I simply cannot do that, so stop wasting the government’s time and money asking me to do the impossible.

Somehow, Mr. Groves your conduct reminds me of Congress where they keep passing bills they haven’t read and don’t really understand the consequences. Your conduct casts a pall over the whole census procedure and should, I submit,  invalidate the census.  I don’t believe you have the guts to admit that you are invalidating the census procedure, but it should be retaken because you are telling everyone to do what can’t be truthfully done. You want the American public to lie, plain and simple.

You are making a mockery of U. S. Government statistics, but what else is new?

Cordially

eGrumps

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October 6, 2009

Tuesday, October 6th, 2009

Important Announcement: In conformity with the proposed FTC guidlines regarding disclosure, eGrumps has agreed to disclose any freebies or other promotional consideration he receives in connection with products mentioned on his web sites. It’s a matter which is long overdue and eGrumps personally endorses it. He has urged his fellow bloggers to come clean and report not only future payoffs, but past ones as well. The fact that no one has even offered him any consideration or freebies of any type, and probably never will,  has nothing to do with his position. It is a matter of principle with him. Way to go, FTC!!!!

 Of course, if someone makes an offer, he may reconsider his position and perhaps even change his archaic  principles and endorse the First Amendment to the U. S. Constituion.  There is no sense in being dogmatic about these things. Ford, Chrysler, GM,  Mercedes, Lexus, Toyota, all auto manufacturers - do you hear? Are you listening? I’ll change – make eGrumps an  offer, any offer, and we will talk. Truth be known, eGrumps can be had – at the right price. Actually, at any price.

A few one-liners later today – maybe, perhaps, could be. Check back later – say around 1:00 Pacific Daylight Time. In the unlikely even that I am still sober, I’ll post something.

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October 1, 2009 (Special)

Thursday, October 1st, 2009

President Obama has Proposed a New Olympic Event – check out http://egrumps.com (cut and paste the link into your browser). It’s a little more than a pithy comment, more like a pithy thought (very pithy!)from eGrumps.

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May 25, 2009

Monday, May 25th, 2009

A government-run business is an organization that
has raised stupidity to the status of a religion.

If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.

A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.

Friday, April 17th, 2009

Candy is dandy
But sex doesn’t rot the teeth.

Thursday, April 16th, 2009

Wellington’s Law of Command

“The cream rises to the top.
So does the scum.”

Wednesday, April 15th, 2009

Truth varies.

Wednesday, April 15th, 2009

“Laughter is the medicine of life.” (Anon.)
Actually, laughter may be the best medicine,
but you’ll die anyhow.
Conclusion: Laughter as a medicine
doesn’t work too well, actually, it doesn’t work
at all. Maybe you should try something different. (eGrumps)

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009

“A Toast: May the bride and groom have as much happiness as
I’ve had on several occasions.”

Monday, April 13th, 2009

Love much, laugh often, live well.

(Comment from eGrumps, moderator – bah, humbug)

Sunday, April 12th, 2009

“I’m very bad at arithmatic. I can count from 1 to 100,
but I have trouble putting the numbers in order.”
eGrumps

Sunday, April 12th, 2009

“Good women are no fun. The only good woman I can recall
was Betsy Ross, and all she ever made was a flag.”
Mae West

Sunday, April 12th, 2009

“Reality is something the human race doesn’t handle very well.”
Gore Vidal

Saturday, April 11th, 2009

“Don’t think there are no crocodiles because the water is calm.”
(Malayan proverb)

Saturday, April 11th, 2009

Laughter is the best medicine, but you’ll die anyhow.

Obama, Seder and the Somali Pirates

Friday, April 10th, 2009

President Obama, after holding the first Passover Seder in the White House, for those of the Jewish faith who are on his staff, has learned of the action of the Somali Pirates in holding an American citizen hostage. Having read  historical sayings of prior sages of  the Jewish community, in other situations, felt it appropriate to issue the following comment: “Let my people go!”

Friday, April 10th, 2009

“It’s good to obey the rules when you’re young so that
you’ll have enough strength to break them when you’re old.”

Mark Twain

Thursday, April 9th, 2009

“I are a college graduate.”
                                 eGrumps

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009

Only the lead dog gets a change of scenery.

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

When you need to knock on wood is
when you first realize 
that today everything is made of metal or plastic.