Pithy Comments

Some times too much to drink isn’t enough.

My short term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my short term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.

I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.

I am a nobody.
Nobody is perfect.
Therefore I am perfect.

I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

Reality is an illusion that occurs only due to a lack of alcohol.

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If anyone is really interested in how I got the name of eGrumps, and why would you  be, check out the sidebar in http://egrumps.com
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“When God made man, she was only joking.” (Mrs. eGrumps)

“You’re an idiot, Mrs. eGrumps” (eGrumps)

An adult is someone who knows better.

Life is a bitch, and then you marry one — and then you die.

“The more I think of men, the less I think of them.” (Mrs. eGrumps) “You’re still an idiot, sweetheart.” (eGrumps)

“Those who think they can see through women are missing a lot.” (eGrumps)

A hangover is simply too much blood in the alchol stream.

No matter how great your triumphs, or how tragic your defeats, approximately One Billion Chinese couldn’t care less.

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Always try to do things in chronological order, it’s less confusing that way.

A clean desk is a sign of a sick mind.

He who laughs last hasn’t passed out yet.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

You see an awful lot of smart guys with dumb women. But you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. (Mrs. eGrumps likes that one liner but what does she know, she married me.)

CAUTION: “Objects under T-shirts are larger than they appear.”

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.

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Don’t be sexist. Broads hate that.

Not tonight dear – I have a modem.

There is no gravity. Earth sucks!

To all you virgins – thanks for nothing.

Work is the curse of the drinking class.

Reality is a crutch for people who can’t face drugs.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. ________________________________________

The following Committee Rules should always be followed by any intelligent committee member, or even those who may not be intelligent:

1. Never arrive on time, or you will be stamped a beginner.

2. Don’t say anything until the meeting is half over. This stamps you as being wise.

3. Be as vague as possible. This prevents you from iritating others.

4. When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be appointed.

5. Be the first to move for adjournment. This will make you popular — it is what everyone has been waiting for.

eGrumps advice:

Never, ever join a committee, unless either (i) you want to lose your friends on the committee, or (ii) you are the sole member.

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Obscure Murphy’s Comments are currently on vacation. He’s cashed his unemployment check, and is seeking obscurity to dream up more obscure one-liners. (Scroll down to see his most recent obscurities.)

I gave up drinking, smoking and sex. It was the worst fifteen minutes of my life.

Sex is like air. It isn’t important unless you are not getting any.

Don’t be sexist. Broads hate that.

So you’re a feminist. Isn’t that cute?

The world is coming to an end, please log off.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

There is no gravity – the earth sucks.

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