Pithy Comments

“Congratulations on your wedding day. Too bad no one likes your wife.”

“If I only get one thing for Christmas, I hope it is your sister.”

“As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the things you have given me. Like the need for therapy.”

“I must admit you brought religion into my life.l I never believed in Hell before.”

“Congratulations on your new baby. Did you ever find out who the father was?”

“Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad.” (available only in Arkansas.)

“Someday I hope to get married, but not to you.”

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and eGrumps favorite:

“Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday – so we are having you put to sleep.”

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