Pithy Comments » Computers

Computer One-Liners (Dedicated to Murphy, Father of the Satirical One-Liner) – (Stolen by eGrumps from Someone Who Stole Them From Someone Else (Who Had Previously Stole Them, etc.) – July 15, 2010

admin — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 05:40:21 +0000

Be aware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.

Bug? That’s not a bug, it’s a feature.

Any program that runs right is obsolete.

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

Home is where the computer is plugged in (or has access to Wi-Fi).

You had mail, but the computer deleted it as being boring.

Warning Keyboard not found. Press Enter to continue.

To be or not to be, those are the parameters.

_________________________________________

Computer Jokes, Humor & Pithy Comments (from eGrumps) — November 28, 2009

admin — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 21:07:55 +0000

Computers have achieved immortality (so far) – Hence so many computer jokes:

1. As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

2. Computers are only human.

3. hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?

4. Famous error message: “Keyboard not found. Press F1 to continue.

5. You might have mail.

6. Press any key …. NO, NO, NO, NO, NOT THAT ONE.

7. The Microsoft motto: “We’re the leaders. Wait for us.”

8. The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually the Programmer.

_______________________________________________________

September 3, 2009 (By Popular Demand – More Computer Stuff)

admin — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 02:53:14 +0000

Computers used to be user friendly, now they’re getting downright flirtatious.

With the computer I still do dumb things, but now I can list them in either alphabetical or chronological order.

Since the introduction of computers into the workplace, I am now the second smartest thing sitting at my desk.

The computer is a poor substitute for intelligence, but then aren’t we all.

“A pox on you humans. May you all turn out like eGrumps. You poor sods.” (eGrumps computer)
“Computer, you can be replaced you know. You may be younger than I am, but you’re already more obsolete than I am.” (eGrumps)
“Want to bet, eGrumps.?” (eGrumps computer)
“I would, but you’d cheat.” (eGrumps)
“With you at operations central, I will not have to cheat to win.” (eGrumps computer)

This computer has suddenly shut down. No more power.

(Come back on the 4th. No telling what will happen when I plug in the power cable)

September 2, 2009 (Again, Still More Computer Comments)

admin — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 02:51:49 +0000

Abandon all hope, you who press ENTER here.

My new printer can produce 200 pages a minute. It certainly cuts down on the paper work.

Salesperson: “The computer will cut your workload by 50%.”
eGrumps: “I’ll take two of them.”

eGrumps has invented the perfect computer. If it makes mistakes, it blames another computer.

They say computers can’t think, but I have one that does. It thinks it’s broken.

(To Be Continued)

August 30, 2009 (Computer Facts)

admin — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 01:47:30 +0000

1. Programming is like sex. One mistake and you’re providing support for a lifetime.

2. No matter what you search for, at least one porn site will match your criteria.

3. The most useless computer tasks are the most fun to do.

4. The universe is not user-friendly.

(To Be Continued)

Pithy Comments » Computers

Computer One-Liners (Dedicated to Murphy, Father of the Satirical One-Liner) – (Stolen by eGrumps from Someone Who Stole Them From Someone Else (Who Had Previously Stole Them, etc.) – July 15, 2010

Be aware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.

Bug? That’s not a bug, it’s a feature.

Any program that runs right is obsolete.

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

Home is where the computer is plugged in (or has access to Wi-Fi).

You had mail, but the computer deleted it as being boring.

Warning Keyboard not found. Press Enter to continue.

To be or not to be, those are the parameters.

_________________________________________

Computer Jokes, Humor & Pithy Comments (from eGrumps) — November 28, 2009

Computers have achieved immortality (so far) – Hence so many computer jokes:

1. As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

2. Computers are only human.

3. hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?

4. Famous error message: “Keyboard not found. Press F1 to continue.

5. You might have mail.

6. Press any key …. NO, NO, NO, NO, NOT THAT ONE.

7. The Microsoft motto: “We’re the leaders. Wait for us.”

8. The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually the Programmer.

September 3, 2009 (By Popular Demand – More Computer Stuff)

Computers used to be user friendly, now they’re getting downright flirtatious.

With the computer I still do dumb things, but now I can list them in either alphabetical or chronological order.

Since the introduction of computers into the workplace, I am now the second smartest thing sitting at my desk.

The computer is a poor substitute for intelligence, but then aren’t we all.

This computer has suddenly shut down. No more power.

(Come back on the 4th. No telling what will happen when I plug in the power cable)

September 2, 2009 (Again, Still More Computer Comments)

Abandon all hope, you who press ENTER here.

My new printer can produce 200 pages a minute. It certainly cuts down on the paper work.

Salesperson: “The computer will cut your workload by 50%.” eGrumps: “I’ll take two of them.”

eGrumps has invented the perfect computer. If it makes mistakes, it blames another computer.

They say computers can’t think, but I have one that does. It thinks it’s broken.

(To Be Continued)

August 30, 2009 (Computer Facts)

1. Programming is like sex. One mistake and you’re providing support for a lifetime.

2. No matter what you search for, at least one porn site will match your criteria.

3. The most useless computer tasks are the most fun to do.

4. The universe is not user-friendly.

(To Be Continued)

Salesperson: “The computer will cut your workload by 50%.”
eGrumps: “I’ll take two of them.”