Posts Tagged ‘Computer Jokes’

One-Liners that Rock (Part Four) – Jokes, Humor & Pithy Comments – from eGrumps – August 15, 2010

Sunday, August 15th, 2010

Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the right size screw.

An adult is someone who knows better.

It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Things aren’t always what they seem. Usually they are worse.

Owners of digital watches. Your days are numbered.

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Computer One-Liners –Jokes, Humor & Pithy Comments (from eGrumps) — February 11, 2010

Wednesday, February 10th, 2010

Nothing happened yesterday on 02/10/2010. Today is 02/11/2010. In the digital world of 1s and 2s, this must mean something. What?

Computer words of wisdom:

1. If your computer says “Printer out of Paper,” this problem cannot be solved by continuously clicking the OK button.

2. COFFEE.EXE Missing — Insert Cup and Press Any Key.

3. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

4. A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that are not broken.

5. Computers can never replace human stupidity.

6. I haven’t lost my mind. It is backed up on tape somewhere.

7. Maintenance free – when it is broken, it cannot be fixed.

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September 3, 2009 (By Popular Demand – More Computer Stuff)

Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009

Computers used to be user friendly, now they’re getting downright flirtatious.

With the computer I still do dumb things, but now I can list them in either alphabetical or chronological order.

Since the introduction of computers into the workplace, I am now the second smartest thing sitting at my desk.

The computer is a poor substitute for intelligence, but then aren’t we all.

“A pox on you humans. May you all turn out like eGrumps. You poor sods.” (eGrumps computer)
“Computer, you can be replaced you know. You may be younger than I am, but you’re already more obsolete than I am.” (eGrumps)
“Want to bet, eGrumps.?” (eGrumps computer)
“I would, but you’d cheat.” (eGrumps)
“With you at operations central, I will not have to cheat to win.” (eGrumps computer)

This computer has suddenly shut down. No more power. 

(Come back on the 4th. No telling what will happen when I plug in the power cable)

September 2, 2009 (Again, Still More Computer Comments)

Tuesday, September 1st, 2009

Abandon all hope, you who press ENTER here.

My new printer can produce 200 pages a minute. It certainly cuts down on the paper work.

Salesperson: “The computer will cut your workload by 50%.”
eGrumps: “I’ll take two of them.”

eGrumps has invented the perfect computer. If it makes mistakes, it blames  another computer.

They say computers can’t think, but I have one that does. It thinks it’s broken.

(To Be Continued)

September 1, 2009 (Still More Computer Facts)

Monday, August 31st, 2009

Another month shot-to-hell, but eGrumps carries on with “Still More Computer Facts.”

My computer is sick, I think my modem is a carrier.

Justify my text? I’m sorry, it has no excuses.

If at first you don’t succeed, put it out for beta test.

You might have mail.

Process discontinued! Enter any twelve digit prime number to proceed.

Nice computers don’t go down.

To  Be Continued (Maybe)(Perhaps)(Could Be).