Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Aging – Old Age Begins When You Start Swapping Meds with your parents. Jokes, Humor and Pithy Comments (from eGrumps) — June 4, 2010
Friday, June 4th, 2010Census – Open Letter to Director – Serious Problem – Not Funny (I Don’t Think So) (from eGrumps) – March 18, 2010.
Thursday, March 18th, 2010This is a little different than my usual pithy comment. It is a letter to the Director of the Census. I felt it should be passed on, however, because of the serious nature of the problem. Please feel free, actually I encourage you, to pass my inquiry along to your friends. Maybe we will get an answer.I’d post it on Twitter, but I don’t know how to Twitter – yet – me bad. Maybe you’d like to post it – it’s OK with me. Let me know if you do (eGrumps) eGrumps@egrumps.com
March 18, 2010:
Dear Census Director:
I trust this comment will find you in good health – both good physical health and mental health. Frankly, you have created quite a problem for me, and many others, and I don’t how how to handle it without being in violation of your instructions concerning the 2010 Census. I trust my inquiry will not interfere with your mental health, but I feel compelled to ask a question. It is based upon the following:
On March 16th I received a letter from you stating, in part (in bold type yet) “Please complete and mail back the enclosed census form today. ” Clear enough, I opened the census form, and what do I find – Question 1: “How many additional people were living or staying in this house, apartment, or mobile home on April 1, 2010.” This is creating quite a problem for me – How can I mail back the form on March 20th (as you have instructed) which says how many people are living in my house on April 1.?
I am sure there are others with similar problems, so what do I do?
Please advise.
Thank you, in advance, for your courtesy.
eGrumps
P.S. – Is it true that you are being considered for the chief operating officer for Obamacare? You seem to be well-qualified.
P.P.S. – I am concerned that all the census data will be invalid and that you will have to retake the census, or else it will be illegal. Since, as you have accurately pointed out, this is a serious document and many consequences will follow, i.e. number of congressional seats, and your figures will be based on obviously false data. What do your legal advisors say?
Jokes, Humor & Pithy Comments (from eGrumps) — November 6, 2009
Thursday, November 5th, 2009eGrumps heritage: He claims to be self made, but his friends (both of them) claim he is machine made. (Editorial Comment: What do they know. If they were smart they wouldn’t be my friends.)
He doesn’t sleep because of worry. He worries about not sleeping.
She’s a Hollywood starlet, and she owes everything to the movie mogul who made her.
People who live in glass houses should take out insurance.
A pessimist is someone who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.
I knew a girl who believed in the two-party system – one in the afternoon and one at night.
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Slightly Off-Color One Liners – Jokes, Humor & Pithy Comments – (from eGrumps) -June 21, 2010.
Monday, June 21st, 2010Sorry team, I’ve been out of action for about a week. It’s amazing what one must give up when your spouse is sick. I think my priorities are somewhat screwed up, but she doesn’t think so.
“My dad told me. “Anything worth having is worth waiting for.” I waited until I was fifteen.”( Zsa Zsa Gabor.)
“Not tonight, Josephine.” (Napoleon)
“It’s not the men in my life that count, it’s the life in my men.” (Mae West)
“A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said “No.” (Woody Allen)
“Seduction is often difficult to distinguish from rape. In seduction, the rapist bothers to buy a bottle of wine.” (Andrea Dworkin)
Sex was a competitive event in those days and the only thing you could take as a certainty was that everyone else was lying, just as you were.” (Bob Geldof)
“Your idea of fidelity was not having more than one man in bed at the same time.” (Fredric Raphel.”
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Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Jokes, Jokes One Line, One Line Jokes, Pithy Comment, Wit
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