Pithy Comments

“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.” (W.C.Fields)

One of the great ironies of life is by the time you retire and are able to sleep late, you are to old to be able to sleep late.

Whiskey may not cure your insomnia, but it makes staying awake much more pleasant.

eGrumps is under a lot of stress. He has insomnia and sleeping sickness at the same time.

The doctor says I have insomnia. I’m not going to lose any sleep over it.

The worst form of insomnia is when you can’t even sleep on the job.

Sleep is a form of death on the installment plan.

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Poverty -

1. “I’m so poor, I can only steal one line jokes.”  (eGrumps)

2. In an ideal world, what I’d like to see is drive-in soup kitchens.

3. There is only one thing money can’t buy — poverty.

4. Poverty is no disgrace, but it is damn inconvenient.

5. “Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” (Groucho Marx.)

6. Without my wife, I’d never be what I am today – broke! (“eGrumps – you’re an idiot” (Mrs. eGrumps))(“I wonder if it is too late to get the money back that I paid for that fat broad who claims to be my wife (eGrumps)

7. “As for the virtuous poor, one can pity them, of course, but one cannot possibly admire them.” (Oscar Wilde)

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A few definitions of no great note:

Bargain – something you can’t use at a price you cannot resist.

Synonym — a word you use in place of a word you can’t spell.

Almost Human Computer – a machine that doesn’t blame its mistakes on another computer.

Baby Sitter — a teenager acting like an adult when the adults are out acting like teenagers.

Glow Worm- we are all worms, but I believe I am a glow worm.

Pigs — Dogs look up to us, cats look down on us but pigs – they are animals that treat us as equals.

eGrumps View of Life: I am ready to meet my maker, but whether my maker is ready for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

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Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health (The Environmental Protection Agency hasn’t said this — yet) (“Just wait” (eGrumps))

If at first you don’t succeed you’re just about average.

Forget about world peace, visualize using your turn indicator.

No meal is complete without leftovers.

The only thing better than a good education is a good parking spot at the mall.

Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You have to squeeze a few bottoms to make sure you like what you are getting.

A professor is someone who talks in someone else’s sleep.

I may not have a perfect body, but I have some excellent parts.

Some men have morals, some don’t. Most simply ignore them.

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