Pithy Comments

A clean desk is a sure sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

IRS Motto: – We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.

I once got a fortune cookie that said:
“You like Chinese food.”

 Question of the day –
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Famous definition – “AMNESIA” – A condition that
enables a woman who has given birth to have sex again.

A man studied Oragami for eight years. 
He opened a shop in New York to sell his
Oragami creations,  but the business folded.

Remember that laughter spelled backward is “rethgual.”
It means absolutely nothing, but it may cheer you up.

There is only one thing worse than being inferior
and that is being able to prove it.

Retirement can be a happy time, a pleasant time, a joyous
time, unless you are married to the retiree.

Ask not what your country can do for you, but how
much is it going to cost you for them to do it for you.

In Spring all the birds return.
That’s great unless you happen to be a worm.

Jet lag is nature’s way of making you look like your passport photo.

A pessimist is someone who feels bad when he feels good
for fear he’ll feel worse when he feels better.

“Honesty is the best policy, when there’s money in it.” (Mark Twain)

I don’t actually believe in luck, but how
else do you explain other people doing so well.

This recession is so bad that Snow White
has fired three of her dwarfs.

eGrumps missed his nap yesterday.
He slept right through it.

My team has lost so many games that when it rains,
we have a victory party.

Some girls blush when they are kissed
and some girls swear, but the worst
are those who laugh.

Las Vegas is a resort city whose two chief
sources of income are seven and eleven.

People fall in love, but they have to climb out.

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love,
and find out later that she has a lot of money.

With a face like yours, you should be in radio.
(I tried, but no one would hire me – eGrumps)

The reason there is so little crime in Beverly Hills is that it against the law.

“To be loved, be lovable”
(That describes eGrumps  – “lovable”)

He hasn’t an enemy in the world,
but all his friends hate him.
(That also describes eGrumps)

Home is the place where teenagers go to refuel.

I am a great fortune teller. My predictions
have proved 100% accurate 14% of the time.

She admitted she was forty. She just didn’t say when.

Some new electronic equipment is so complicated,
only a child can operate it.

“You’re never too old to become younger.” (Mae West)

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance.

You are where you eat.

“We can’t all be heroes because someone has to sit
on the curb and clap as they go by.” (Will Rogers)

It takes about ten years to get used to how old you are.

There’s only one thing worse than feeling inferior,
and that’s being able to prove it.

Nature’s wonderful. The older you get,
the harder it is to see yourself in the mirror.

I couldn’t believe it when I graduated with honors.
Neither did my school, that’s why they made me retake the tests.

History is the science of what never happens twice.

98% of all statistics are made up.

Everyone has a plan that will not work.

• Advertising can be very expensive, especially if
  your wife can read.
  

• A diamond is a chunk of coal that made good under pressure.
  

• I’ve got two wonderful children, and two out of five isn’t bad.