Archive for the ‘Nonsense’ Category
Wednesday, June 17th, 2009
A clean desk is a sure sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
IRS Motto: – We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.
I once got a fortune cookie that said:
“You like Chinese food.”
Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Pithy Comment, Wit
Posted in Funny, Humor, Laughter, Nonsense, Pithy Comments, Wit | No Comments »
Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
Question of the day –
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Famous definition – “AMNESIA” – A condition that
enables a woman who has given birth to have sex again.
A man studied Oragami for eight years.
He opened a shop in New York to sell his
Oragami creations, but the business folded.
Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Pithy Comment, Wit
Posted in Funny, Humor, Laughter, Nonsense, Pithy Comments, Wit | No Comments »
Sunday, June 14th, 2009
Remember that laughter spelled backward is “rethgual.”
It means absolutely nothing, but it may cheer you up.
There is only one thing worse than being inferior
and that is being able to prove it.
Retirement can be a happy time, a pleasant time, a joyous
time, unless you are married to the retiree.
Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Pithy Comment, Wit
Posted in Funny, Humor, Laughter, Nonsense, Pithy Comments, Wit | No Comments »
Sunday, June 14th, 2009
I dreamed I was on a deserted island with
three beautiful women.The sad part,
was that I was a palm tree.
Everyone should take a summer vacation.
Remember mosquitoes also have to eat.
eGrumps has a terrible inferiority complex,
and he may be right.
Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Pithy Comment, Wit
Posted in Funny, Humor, Laughter, Nonsense, Pithy Comment, Wit | No Comments »
Friday, June 12th, 2009
Ask not what your country can do for you, but how
much is it going to cost you for them to do it for you.
In Spring all the birds return.
That’s great unless you happen to be a worm.
Jet lag is nature’s way of making you look like your passport photo.
Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Pithy Comment, Wit
Posted in Funny, Humor, Laughter, Nonsense, Pithy Comments, Wit | No Comments »
Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
A pessimist is someone who feels bad when he feels good
for fear he’ll feel worse when he feels better.
“Honesty is the best policy, when there’s money in it.” (Mark Twain)
I don’t actually believe in luck, but how
else do you explain other people doing so well.
Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Pithy Comment, Wit
Posted in Funny, Humor, Laughter, Nonsense, Pithy Comments, Wit | No Comments »
Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
This recession is so bad that Snow White
has fired three of her dwarfs.
eGrumps missed his nap yesterday.
He slept right through it.
My team has lost so many games that when it rains,
we have a victory party.
Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Pithy Comment, Wit
Posted in Funny, Humor, Laughter, Nonsense, Pithy Comments, Wit | No Comments »
Sunday, June 7th, 2009
Some girls blush when they are kissed
and some girls swear, but the worst
are those who laugh.
Las Vegas is a resort city whose two chief
sources of income are seven and eleven.
People fall in love, but they have to climb out.
Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Pithy Comment, Wit
Posted in Funny, Humor, Laughter, Nonsense, Pithy Comments, Wit | No Comments »
Sunday, June 7th, 2009
Don’t ever go swimming after a heavy meal, you’ll never find it there.
Golf and fishing have made more liars out of people than income tax.
The woman who is easy to get may be hard to take.
Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Pithy Comment, Wit
Posted in Funny, Humor, Laughter, Nonsense, Pithy Comment, Wit | No Comments »
Thursday, June 4th, 2009
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love,
and find out later that she has a lot of money.
With a face like yours, you should be in radio.
(I tried, but no one would hire me – eGrumps)
Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Pithy Comment, Wit
Posted in Funny, Humor, Laughter, Nonsense, Pithy Comments, Wit | No Comments »
Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009
The reason there is so little crime in Beverly Hills is that it against the law.
“To be loved, be lovable”
(That describes eGrumps – “lovable”)
He hasn’t an enemy in the world,
but all his friends hate him.
(That also describes eGrumps)
Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Pithy Comment, Wit
Posted in Funny, Humor, Laughter, Nonsense, Pithy Comments, Wit | No Comments »
Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009
Home is the place where teenagers go to refuel.
I am a great fortune teller. My predictions
have proved 100% accurate 14% of the time.
She admitted she was forty. She just didn’t say when.
Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Pithy Comment, Wit
Posted in Funny, Humor, Laughter, Nonsense, Pithy Comments, Wit | No Comments »
Monday, June 1st, 2009
Some new electronic equipment is so complicated,
only a child can operate it.
“You’re never too old to become younger.” (Mae West)
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance.
Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Pithy Comment, Wit
Posted in Funny, Humor, Laughter, Nonsense, Pithy Comments, Wit | No Comments »
Monday, June 1st, 2009
You are where you eat.
“We can’t all be heroes because someone has to sit
on the curb and clap as they go by.” (Will Rogers)
It takes about ten years to get used to how old you are.
Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Pithy Comment, Wit
Posted in Funny, Humor, Laughter, Nonsense, Pithy Comments, Wit | No Comments »
Sunday, May 31st, 2009
There’s only one thing worse than feeling inferior,
and that’s being able to prove it.
Nature’s wonderful. The older you get,
the harder it is to see yourself in the mirror.
I couldn’t believe it when I graduated with honors.
Neither did my school, that’s why they made me retake the tests.
Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Pithy Comment, Wit
Posted in Funny, Humor, Laughter, Nonsense, Pithy Comments, Wit | No Comments »
Saturday, May 30th, 2009
Computers cannot think and have no intelligence. They only think they are intelligent.
A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.
There is nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them will not aggrevate.
Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Pithy Comment, Wit
Posted in Funny, Humor, Laughter, Nonsense, Pithy Comment, Wit | No Comments »
Friday, May 29th, 2009
History is the science of what never happens twice.
98% of all statistics are made up.
Everyone has a plan that will not work.
Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Pithy Comment, Wit
Posted in Funny, Humor, Laughter, Nonsense, Pithy Comments, Wit | No Comments »
Tuesday, May 26th, 2009
-
Advertising can be very expensive, especially if
your wife can read.
-
A diamond is a chunk of coal that made good under pressure.
-
I’ve got two wonderful children, and two out of five isn’t bad.
Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Pithy Comment, Wit
Posted in Funny, Humor, Laughter, Nonsense, Pithy Comments, Wit | No Comments »
Monday, May 25th, 2009
A government-run business is an organization that
has raised stupidity to the status of a religion.
If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.
A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Pithy Comment, Satire, Wit
Posted in Funny, Humor, Laughter, Nonsense, Pithy Comments, Wit | No Comments »
June 18, 2009
Wednesday, June 17th, 2009A clean desk is a sure sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
IRS Motto: – We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.
I once got a fortune cookie that said:
“You like Chinese food.”
Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Pithy Comment, Wit
Posted in Funny, Humor, Laughter, Nonsense, Pithy Comments, Wit | No Comments »