Archive for the ‘Nonsense’ Category
Jokes, Humor & Pithy Comments (from eGrumps) — January 21, 2010
Thursday, January 21st, 2010Jokes, Humor & Pithy Comments (from eGrumps) — January 14, 2010
Thursday, January 14th, 2010eGrumps is a great cook. He is the only person in the world who can spoil corn flakes. He cooks them in the bag.
I made my money the old fashioned way. I inherited it.
“Never trust a smiling reporter.” (Ed Koch)
If I’ve said anything to insult you, please believe me.
My sister is going out with an undertaker. She’s sure he only wants her for her body.
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Jokes, Humor & Pithy Comments (from eGrumps) — January 11, 2010
Monday, January 11th, 2010“eGrumps hasn’t many faults, but he makes the most of the one’s he has.” (Mrs. eGrumps)”
He’s a stew going to pot.
There’s a great labor saving device – tomorrow.
A man got sued for divorce by his wife for reckless driving. He drove by her with a blond in the front seat..
He’s the most highly suspected man in the community.
She’s not lying when she said she just turned 23. Her real age is 32.
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Jokes, Humor & Pithy Comments (from eGrumps) — January 10, 2010
Saturday, January 9th, 2010My thoughts exactly: “It’s great to be great, but it’s greater to be human.” (Will Rogers)(“I can’t believe I said those were my thoughts exactly.” (eGrumps)
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, except when it is forgery.
To err is human, to forgive is unusual.
When the fools are all dead, the rest of the world will get along very well without us.
As soon as a businessman takes up golf, he becomes an executive.
“Honesty is the best policy when there is money in it.” (Mark Twain)
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FAMOUS LAST WORDS — Jokes, Humor & Pithy Comments (from eGrumps) – January 5, 2010
Monday, January 4th, 2010Famous Anonymous Last Words (You realize, of course, that if the person hadn’t died, they would not have been anonymous)
Don’t Panic!
eGrumps, have you any grenades left, throw me one.
I know how to handle a flame thrower.
He’s probably just hibernating.
It’s probably just a rash.
Of course it’s sterile.
So, you’re a cannibal.
We are now flying over Iraq.
Why do these candles say T-N-T.
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Jokes, Humor & Pithy Comments (from eGrumps) – January 4, 2010
Sunday, January 3rd, 2010eGrumps Complaint: Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
Complex problems have simple easy-to-understand wrong answers.
Nostalgia is okay, but it isn’t what it used to be.
Avoid reality at all costs.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
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August 13, 2009
Wednesday, August 12th, 2009Just because eGrumps prefers blondes, that doesn’t make him a gentleman.
Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love, and find out she has money.
Nothing’s happening. I think life has put me on hold.
“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like and do what you’d rather not.” (Mark Twain)
July 14, 2009
Monday, July 13th, 2009He keeps telling me he is on my side, but then, so is appendicitis!
One thing I was taught at school was that double negatives are a complete no-no.
My sister is going out with an undertaker. She’s sure he only wants her for her body.
July 1, 2009
Tuesday, June 30th, 20092009 Half Gone – Time Flies When You’re Having Fun -
like writing Pithy Comments.
eGrumps
The best way to start a fire is to have two pieces of wood,
one of which must be a match.
Hollywood – where people accept you for what you’re not.
“Doctor, I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.”
June 28, 2009
Sunday, June 28th, 2009I took my defeat like a man, I blamed it on my wife.
I love golf, I live golf, I dream golf -
if only I could play golf.
If you don’t like the way I drive, get off the pavement.
June 26, 2009 (Old Age)
Friday, June 26th, 2009A few thoughts about “old age.”
1. I must be getting old, I can’t take “yes” for an answer.
2. I don’t think I’ll lust much longer.
3. My parents are having an age problem. He won’t act his,
and she won’t tell hers.
4. The worst thing is growing old by yourself.
My wife hasn’t had a birthday in five years.
June 19, 2009
Thursday, June 18th, 2009I doubt, therefore I might be.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
June 18, 2009
Wednesday, June 17th, 2009A clean desk is a sure sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
IRS Motto: – We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.
I once got a fortune cookie that said:
“You like Chinese food.”
June 17, 2009
Tuesday, June 16th, 2009 Question of the day –
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Famous definition – “AMNESIA” – A condition that
enables a woman who has given birth to have sex again.
A man studied Oragami for eight years.
He opened a shop in New York to sell his
Oragami creations, but the business folded.
June 15, 2009
Sunday, June 14th, 2009Remember that laughter spelled backward is “rethgual.”
It means absolutely nothing, but it may cheer you up.
There is only one thing worse than being inferior
and that is being able to prove it.
Retirement can be a happy time, a pleasant time, a joyous
time, unless you are married to the retiree.
Jokes, Humor & Pithy Comments (from eGrumps) — January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 27th, 2010“I am not successful at creating a blog, as it is a matter of skill.” (eGrumps)
“Whenever I’m caught between two evils, I take the one I’ve never tried.” (Mae West)
Mahatma Gandhi is what most wives wish their husbands were, thin, tan and moral.
If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
Question of the day: “How can you prove a dog is a police dog if he doesn’t wear a badge?” If he doesn’t wear a badge, he is either going undercover or an imposter. I think it is against the law to impersonate either a policeman or a police dog.
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Tags: Funny Quotations, Humor, Jokes, Jokes One Line, One Line Jokes, Pithy Comment, Wit
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