1. In any household, junk accumulates to fill the space available for storage. (If you run out of storage space, there are two alternatives – throw out the junk or move  – Mrs eGrumps and I are having a discussion about that right now. She’s for moving in the foolish hope that I will throw out the junk that I have worked so hard to accumulate. There is of course a third alternative – throw out Mrs. eGrumps and use the space she is wasting to accumulate more vital junk.)

2. Speak softly and own a big mean doberman. (pit bulls will also work)

3. If you think the problem is bad now, wait until I solve it.

4. Nothing is so simple that it cannot be misunderstood.

5. Nothing is ever accomplished by a reaonable man.

6. A little humility is arrogance.

7. HISTORY PROVES NOTHING.

8. It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.

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If you’ve missed some earlier postings scroll down and treat yourself to a whole bunch of beautiful sayings. No matter what the self-help books say, what is time for if you can’t waste it.

1. (An old favorite) – Candy is dandy, but sex doesn’t rot the teeth. (Actually, Murphy didn’t write that. Mrs. eGrumps thinks I did it, and I don’t want to disillusion her. It is rumored that the author was stabbed to death by his candy-loving girlfriend,  and buried in an unmarked grave. He remains anonymous. His girlfriend was never caught.)

2. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

3. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

4. If we have nothing to lose by change, relax.
If we everything to lose by change, relax.

5. Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

6. If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

7. All’s well that ends.

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All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.

Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

If it seems to good to be true, it probably is.

Don’t force it, get a larger hammer.

The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the probability of its success.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Food that tastes the best always has the highest number of calories.

What men learn from history is that men don’t learn from history.

Scroll down for more truly intelligent Murphyisms.

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1. After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold-down screws, it will be discovered that the gasket is missing.

2. Speak softly and own a big, mean doberman!

3. Food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.

4. Of two possible outcomes, only the least desireable will be discovered first.

5. Anything worth doing is worth doing for the money.

6. It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.

7. When things are going well. something will go wrong.

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Theses were not actually penned, by Murph, but written by his legion of fans expanding upon his basic principle, whatever that was.

a comment from eGrumps — “Whatever was, was – whatever is, is — and that’s that.”

1. Virtue is its own punishment.

2. It’s not, love that lasts forever, it’s plastic.

3. The most useless computer tasks are the most fun to do.

4. When all else fails, read the instructions.

5. Science is true. don’t be misled by facts.

6. If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.

7. If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.

(Scroll on down for more – Murph would appreciate it, and besides no ads to distract from the genius of Murphy and detract from the poverty of eGrumps.)

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1. There is no time like the present for postponing what you don’t want to do.

2. Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since no one listens.

3. Don’t force it, get a larger hammer.

4. Research is what I am doing when I don’t know what I am doing. (I’ll drink to that!)

5. The length of a meeting rises with the square of the number of people at the meeting.

6. Everyone has a scheme that will not work.

7. The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them to the impossible.

Murphy – rest well, you may be gone, but not forgotten. No greater honor can be bestowed upon you than to have eGrumps save your obscure comments, not to mention saving comments by those who have commented upon your comments.

If you have nothing better to do, go to www.egrumps.com and see my very feasible plan to reduce the unemployment rate to zero. It’s a plan worthy of Murphy.

If you still have nothing better to do, scroll down and read other one-line comments. You will not be tested on them in the morning, or the evening, whatever time it is when you are reading this.

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1. The longer the title, the less important the job.

2.When in doubt, predict that the present trend will continue.

3. The idea is to die young as late as possible.

4. All things considered – life is 9 to 5 against.

5. “I can’t give you brains, but I can give you a diploma.” (My philosophy teacher – that idiot – what did he know)

6. My job is only marginally better than daytime TV.

7. My law of drinking – you can’t fall off the floor. Or from an old English buddy – he is not drunk who can get off the floor and ask for more.

8. If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.

(Tell your friends to check this website out – it is a guaranteed way to lose friends.)

Best to all eGrumps

Scroll down if you want to waste more time

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2. Etiquette: The art of doing the wrong thing the right way.

3. A man who is his own doctor has a fool for a patient. (This is not in the annals of the American Medical Association, but it should be)

4. Only an old timer can remember when dancing was done with the feet. That is,  if he can remember anything.

5. Criticism of eGrumps wouldn’t be so hard to take, except for the fact it is usually correct.

6. A comic is a man who originates old jokes. (That really hurts my ego, eGrumps)

7. IT IS NOT CERTAIN THAT EVERYTHING IS UNCERTAIN.

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1. If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both.

2. Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.

3. The sum of all intelligence on the planet remains a constant.  The population, however, continues to grow.

4. Appealingness is inversely proportional to availability.

5. Never stand between a dog and a hydrant.

6. If everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

7. No matter where you go, there you are!

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Scroll on down – it’s better than watching about politics and

the election on TV, or (gasp!) the Internet

1. “There can’t be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.” (Henry Kissinger)

2. A diamond is a chunk of coal that made good under pressure.

3. To lose is to learn. (Spoken by losers the world over. No winner ever said that)

4. The dice have no memory. (Neither do politicans.)

5. The girl who is easy to get may be hard to take.

6. “I like long walks. Especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” (Fred Allen)

7. It’s easy to tell who your friends are. They’re the ones that stab you in the front.

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