Pithy Comments

“You appeal to a small, select group of confused people.” (Mrs. eGrumps talking about me) “What does she know?” (eGrumps) “eGrumps. you’re still an idiot.” (Mrs. eGrumps) ”Right, I married you, didn’t I?” (eGrumps)

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom.

Show me a good loser, and I’ll show you a loser.

A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.

“In America, anyone can become President. That’s the risk you take.” (Adlai Stevenson)

Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

________________________________________________________

eGrumps problem, in a generalized sort of way: “Every man has a scheme that will not work. Some have many schemes that will not work.” (“They can’t be talking about me, can they!” (eGrumps))

Any system which depends upon human reliability is unreliable.

You can’t win, you can’t break even. You can’t even quit the game.

The Universal Law of Warranties — If it can break it will, but only after the warranty expires.

Complex problems have easy to understand wrong answers.

On the TV screen, pure drivel tends to drive off ordinary drivel.

If things were left to chance, they’d be better.

__________________________________________________

It’s the last day of January, which must mean something somewhere. The best pithy comment of the day:

Time flies when you’re having fun. (“If you’re not having fun, it is probably your fault, so don’t blame anyone else. Hang loose – it’s the cool thing to do. ” eGrumps)

“Virus” – a Latin word used by doctors to mean your guess is as good as mine.

‘Tis better to have loved and lost than loved and married,” (“eGrumps – you’re still an idiot, so knock it off or I’ll sure for divorce and take all of your measly earthly possessions” ( Mrs. eGrumps.))  (“Sweetheart, as Clint Eastwood always says – ‘Go ahead, make my day’ and he’s never met you.” (eGrumps))

There’ll never be an end to the war between the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.

I’m not saying he’s stupid, but if he had a pet zebra, he’d call him Spot.

__________________________________________________________

eGrumps thinking about himself: “It’s  lonely at the top.”

I don’t see why religion and science can’t cooperate. What’s wrong with using a computer to count our blessings.

“Virtue has never been as respectable as money.” (Mark Twain)

Confidence is not trying the door knob after you’ve locked the door.

Jilted lovers conversation with a taxi-cab driver:
“Where to Buddy?”
“Drive off a cliff, I’m committing suicide.”

_____________________________________________________

“The gods too are fond of a joke.”  (Aristotle)

There is nothing wrong with eGrumps that reincarnation will not cure.

Remember that a kick in the ass is a step forward.

“Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.” (Timothy Leary)

The trouble with loving is that pets don’t last long enough and people last too long.

Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.

________________________________________________

eGrumps can talk to one woman, look at a second woman — and think of a third. (“It’s a real talent” eGrumps)

“I shot an arrow in the air, and it stuck” (Mr. Grafitto)

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

The most dangerous food is wedding cake.

“I get my exercise acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise.” (Chancey Depew)

The wages of sin are unreported.

__________________________________________________

eGrumps favorite of the day: ” The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant. The population, however, is increasing.

A maxim for everyone, but eGrumps doesn’t believe it can be done:  ”The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible.”

When all else fails, read the instructions.

It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.

An increase in new laws creates an increase in new loopholes.

If a jury in a criminal case stays out for more than 24 hours, it is certain to vote “not guilty,” except in those instances where it votes “guilty.”

________________________________________________

A Great Philosophy of Life: “You don’t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.” (Michael Pritchard) “Frankly I couldn’t have said it better myself.” (eGrumps) “eGrumps, you’re still an idiot.” (Mrs. eGrumps) “Damn but that woman annoys me.”(eGrumps)

When confronted with two evils, man will choose the prettier.

“Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.” (Lewis Grizzard)

Until I got married, I was my own worst enemy.

“Formula for success – Rise early – work hard – strike oil” (Allegedly from J. Paul Getty)

_________________________________________________________